Break free of the mould

We all come with moulds, you and I.

Moulds that are instilled in us since young. Views of the world, of people and social norms. As children, we subconsciously learn from the adults. These lessons follow us throughout our adulthood, and become part of our subconscious mind. They shape our behaviours, our beliefs and affect our relationships, work and personal.

What if you realise one day that the lessons that served you then, no longer serve you now?

To me, the revelation came when I started working and progressed up the proverbial ladder. Stakeholder management, which is corporate speak for managing people, became a skill that is quintessential. A skill which I lack, and a skill which I am still learning to polish today by first unlearning my subconscious mind.

You see, when I was a child, I was brought up on a notion that we need nobody. We don't need friends. We don't have to care about what others think as long as you're true to yourself. We need to be direct and say the blunt truth, always. While these concepts served well in certain circumstances, the truth is that people do matter. Perceptions matter. And they stick to you like sweat does on a hot, humid day. Manners matter too, and increasing research has shown that a simple "thank you" results in reciprocation from the same person, and the effects are lasting. Most importantly, people remember how you make them feel, so we have to be aware of our tone, choice of words and body language.

To put it simply, it is all part of our responsibility as a member of the social fabric. And we all have a part to play in making relations a healthy one. One that's built on openness, humility, respect and manners.

I'm still learning, which is why I have decided to pen this so I may share it with my daughter when she's older. Social skills are so important today. It is no longer what you know, but who knows you. When it comes to recommendations, it is also who likes you more that will recommend you, than someone with low social skills and high technical expertise. Simply put, nobody likes to hire brilliant jerks.

It is an art form to be able to tell someone difficult news or messages, while being respectful and aware of the impact of the content on that person. An art that can be used on family, partners and the workplace. It is also in how we communicate with customers, if you're a business owner. The applications are endless.

It is time to break free of my mould, unlearn my past, and chart a new future. What about you?

Freedom and ENFP

MBTI would be a familiar concept to most of us. For the uninitiated, it is the Myer-Briggs personality test. The origins are not exactly very scientific, however the accuracy as to how the 16 personalities function are eerily accurate.

As Fate would have it, my intern and I were discussing about MBTI and I made him guess which profile I am. He said from the way I suck at administrative tasks (and I do, in fact), I would be a P instead of a J. Which totally threw me by surprise as I thought I'm an INTJ all along. It's been a few years since I last took the test; the previous results were INTJ. So to discern what I'm like now, I decided to go take the test again.

What a surprise to find out I'm actually an ENFP! Low E, actually. My sources of energy (extra vs intra) were very close in terms of results. As I read through my profile on this awesome website, it rang true how much of a ENFP I am. I found myself nodding to the descriptions on the site. What struck me the most were how creativity and freedom are important to my personality type. It was amazing and utterly mind-blowing to say the least, considering how I had just met an ex-colleague last week seeking her coachy advice, and I had shared with her that "freedom" as the most important value to me. Serendipity at work, I suppose?

I had forgotten how important freedom is to me. About 3 to 4 years ago, I was a participant at a workshop run by my talented ex-colleagues from the L&D team. It was a deep workshop, three hours of intensive exercises and activities to uncover what are our personal values. The head fake is then aligning that to what our role is in the company, thereby creating alignment and fulfillment in the job we each do.

During the workshop, we were told to pick 10 cards (from a massive deck of 100+ cards) that are most important to us, followed by picking 5 out of the 10, and then 3, and then finally 1 card. As you'd imagine, the exercise killed quite a bit of braincells and required us to dig deep within to reflect in order to reach the final card that we feel in our gut to be the tantamount principle in our lives.

We then had to explain to the rest in the workshop, why we picked that value out of the hundreds. I remember my sharing as though it was yesterday.

"Freedom is important to me as I want to remind myself that no matter how shitty Life gets, I always have the freedom of choice to do something about it. I also ambition to have the freedom of deciding when to do my best work. The freedom of how I want to make a living and earn my money. It is also important to me that we have freedom of our minds, which is to keep our minds open as much as possible. These are the freedom we have that many have forgotten. Which is why we see people grumble, become lost in the daily grind... forgetting that they always have a choice to live the life that THEY want."

A hushed silence fell on the entire room after I spoke. The moderator was speechless as well. And a good minute passed before anyone made a sound. One colleague was so touched, she had to hold back her tears though the sniffing gave her away.

Coming back to the present. The next session I have with my coach, I would share with her in detail how living a life of freedom is like, from the time I wake up till the day is done. It is worth noting that my sense of freedom comes with responsibility and common sense, which means that no throwing away of health or hurting of people. It doesn't mean free to consume drugs or commit crime. It was more of the aspect of how we live our lives. The next piece of homework she has for me, is what it means to take care of myself. Not in deeds or activities, but more generic or broad-based.

I will start another post as I reflect on my future state of life living in freedom, and how I can take care of myself. Looking forward to meeting her again soon to get insights on myself and my life!

What's your purpose?

If you're looking for an uplifting post, I'm afraid to disappoint. Since my last post in March, much things have happened. While I have done impacting work, I left the previous workplace as I found out later that the person I'm reporting to isn't the person who interviewed me. There were also reiterations of work followed by re-work despite agreeing on the objectives, no work-life balance and a terrible sense of entitlement and bullying towards vendors. I have always had a soft spot for underdogs and seeing them being treated unfairly after they have given us good work, disagrees with my values. The final straw came when I met with an accident in the course of work and instead of showing concern, a question came on if I would need my laptop to be sent home to me. 

As Life would have it, I received a call from a headhunter and was promptly recruited to my next, bigger role. This time, with a MNC in industrial space and established brand name. It's supposed to be slow paced (that's what the headhunter sold to me) and the brand name is strong enough to attract me. I would definitely want to learn from this organization, plus I had rapport with my boss during the interview. How bad can it get?

Fast forward close to a year, have I learnt professionally? Yes and no. I ended up having to teach people more than I do my own work. Which is fine, however it also means I don't have much opportunities to boost my resume. However I have undoubtedly grown immensely in personal capacity. Perhaps it is also that I have started reflecting more since becoming a parent. The sense of unfulfilled life nags at me still. And having more time alone (I lunch alone these days) has made me realize I am not as happy as I should be. I am definitely grateful. However, there could be more that I can do with my strengths and skills to benefit the society...

Which comes to my last point as I was whatsapping with a friend. I realize I want to do something that helps marginalized people move up the social ladder, and reduce environmental impact. During the course of our house decluttering, there's so much stuff we could do without. We can afford doesn't mean we have to buy it. There are also stuff that can be repurposed. What can we do about those things... today?

Assignment 1

It’s Day 30 on my new job and I absolutely LOVE it! Exciting job scope aside, the people here have been nothing short of amazing. Firstly, the culture is fantastic. People are warm. And I mean, genuinely warm. Everyone greets everyone with a ready smile from the receptionist to the tea lady. It was exactly the same warmth I felt when I first came here for interview two months back. Despite the size of the reception area which was designed to impress (and I suspect, intimidate), I felt right at home. By the end of the hour-long conversation with my then-to-be boss and another colleague, I knew in my gut that I'd fit into the organisation. A place where people are damn good at what they do, proud of what they do, yet bring value to the table without being overbearing or rude.

I dare say this is the most brilliant and exciting company I've worked for in my career thus far. I look forward to the sparring of minds that keeps me on my toes every day. And people here do that. In fact, the intensity of ideas exchanged fueled by passion for the work we do collectively ain't for faint hearts. But I dove right in and relished every second because that's how we learn and grow.

Another thing that I really, REALLY love about this place is how respect is a huge thing. Respect matters a lot to me. I've met too many brilliant people who disappoint when it comes to treating service staff or when they're challenged during meetings. In the latter scenario, they get defensive, or worse, offensive and personal. Relationships are strained and other attendees are unwillingly caught in the bloodbath... which usually are egos talking when stripped to its core.

So imagine my surprise and relief when I started attending meetings here. Doesn't matter what the subject is or who the attendees are, meetings are held with a healthy dose of respect. People are slightly early or on time. The chairperson starts and ends sharply. Agendas are disseminated to all attendees a day before the meeting and action plans, the day after. The best part would be hearing the questions raised at these meetings, which have clearly shown to me that everyone is aligned and wants the best for the business. What's more, there's an unspoken understanding of "agreeing to disagree" which kept discussions robust and constructive. Strictly no time-wasters here!

So far so good, it seems. The items are checking off one by one on my Ideal Workplace list. Very thankful to be part of this amazing team and am definitely looking forward to adding more value in the months ahead!

The interview of my life

Dedicating this post to the smartest and sharpest woman I've met so far. Her name I shall not divulge in case someone Googles it and accesses to this site. But suffice to say that most people would've heard of her since she was an ex-broadcast journalist. The interview took an hour and I was kept on the edge of my seat from start to finish. She was icy cool initially, and there were a few difficult questions from her. I maintained my cool and she gradually warmed up when what I started to talk about made sense. The best part was that HR said they liked me a lot. A LOT.

Met her last Tue on 8 March to interview for an Internal Comms VP position. Halfway through the interview, she sprung a surprise on me and the other VP by saying that she'd like to give me two assignments. One would be how I'd leverage on the Intranet to engage employees, to which I protested because it's impossible to expect an Intranet to be a cure-all. To my relief she said, it's ok and just put in other faucets which I think are necessary to make it work. The other assignment was to write a simple blog post on my first day at my job. The goal of the blog post is to get people excited about what I'm doing. Hence I know I've to write from my heart.

Both assignments are relatively easy but I wouldn't be complacent about it. I genuinely like both of them and I know in my gut that I would fit in with the team. This is so different from the last interview I had with the CAG people where we couldn't gel at all and I left the interview feeling not-so-good about myself. These ladies however, are different. They came across as people who're proud of what they're doing, they know they're good at it and yet not overbearing and disrespectful towards others. That is the ideal team I would love to work for. Future boss is a woman with fire and I love that she asked me things that spoke to my heart. Things that I'm passionate about. So it's all good.

Shall go work on the assignments now. Wish me luck!

More than a decade old

Now we don't get to commemorate many "10 years" in our lives and such a milestone is rather significant. To me, at least. And I realised this morning that a major sign of aging is when you start to have various milestones of 10 years popping up here and there... and you don't even realise it until much later hahaha. This blog for example. The first entry was on 27 Mar 2005!!! Can you believe it? To think I didn't write a 10th year post on 27 Mar 2015 to commemorate the event. More than 10 years and 175 posts later, this blog remains important. Not because I've been actively updating it but because it has documented many many of my years when I was in my twenties. If there comes a day when I need to remember what happened, I can always come back here to catch up on the posts.

It is also opportune that I've returned to blog. After all, this place started while I've just started working. I wanted somewhere to record my thoughts as I plunged into the then-new world of working class, rat race, whatever you term it. I remember feeling excited. Idealistic. And like many bright-eyed young people, I wanted to do something meaningful for the world. Lofty aspirations, yes. I remember writing about my wins at the workplace. About the people. And I tried to keep a balance between positive posts and the bitchyisowannaburnyourdesk ones. :)

Ahh, the temper that comes with youth.

SO what's next? I was checking on my savings balance earlier. Next would be to check on my monthly expenses so I can work out an estimated projection of how long I can sustain without a job. It'll also help me calculate how much my online business and investments have to generate in order to cover my fixed expenses at least. In addition to the new online business model, I will be accepting the occasional baking order to keep my pastry practice. Work has somewhat lost its meaning and purpose along the way though I'm now on really good working terms with my direct boss. It's the factors outside of my control. Under extreme workload and lack of sleep, one can only consider that many factors especially political ones. Plus I've never been super bothered by such dynamics at play because all I want to do is to do my job well and not consider self-preservation mode all the time. Alas some people want to look good and score points at the expense of delivery or timeline. I am mentally prepared to go anytime if I am treat unfairly. It might sound childish or rash to people, but nobody owes anyone a living. No one should be treated unjustly simply because they don't know how to defend themselves or articulate themselves as well as some others. Maybe this is why I'm not very suited for a 9-to-5 MNC job. Politics and me don't gel. Or rather, I don't want to go down that slope because I can be quite manipulative and I don't like that part of me at all.

These are exciting times ahead. The lessons from my bakeshop business are proving to be useful now as I build my new online business. It has to be simple. Minimum labor. Able to generate income even when I'm asleep. Minimum dependency such as ingredients freshness etc. Minimum fuss. And I'm doing contingency planning too in terms of revenue generation and ideas for longer term sustenance.

I am also committing an hour a day to work on the business. On weekends it will be more. It is definitely doable if I carve out and plan my time well. Too much time has been wasted and the clock is ticking as I would be out of a job end-May. Wish me luck!